Friday, December 3, 2010

White Bread Yo!

It is so easy to make your own bread.  I'm serious.  You don't even need to buy some crappy breadmaker or anything, and it costs less than a dollar a loaf.  FOR REALZ!

old guy
the supremes



And everyone loves white bread!  Even this old guy and 
the Supremes!





So why aren't you going to make it yourself already!  Here's the recipe, it will make two loaves.  It's so easy it will make your head explode.  And best of all?  It is totally vegan! 

White Bread Yo!
Ingredients:
  • 2 cups warm water (think hot tub temperature)
  • 1/2 - 2/3 cups white sugar* (depends on how sugary you want it)
  • 1 1/2 tablespoons active dry yeast
  • 1/4 cup olive oil
  • 2 teaspoons salt
  • 6 cups bread flour (it is cheaper than all purpose flour, but you can use pretty much any flour you want)
Directions:
  1. In a big ass bowl, dissolve the sugar in the warm water (make a sugar jacuzzi!) and then stir in the yeast.  Remember, yeast is a living organism, so if the water is too hot it will kill the yeast.  Allow to "proof" until the yeast resembles a creamy foam.  It will kinda smell like beer and bread, and will get hot.  Don't stir it or disturb it until it foams up to a head, about 15 minutes or so.
  2. Mix the salt and oil into the foamy concoction.  Mix the flour in one cup at a time, and knead the flour into the mixture.  Sprinkle some flour into the bowl, and knead the dough until smooth.  Kneading is an art form, basically grab both ends of the dough, smash it into the middle with your palms, then turn it 90 degrees and repeat.  Do this until it doesn't stick to your hands anymore.
  3. Take the dough out of the bowl, wash it, and then sprinkle oil all over the bowl.  Put the dough ball back into the bowl and roll it around to coat it with oil.  Cover the bowl and dough ball with a damp cloth.
  4. Go watch some Bad Girls Club,  It is going to take about an hour or so for the bread to rise.  Or go be a productive mama and do some laundry.
  5. Once it has risen, you get to take out your aggression and punch the dough ball down.  This is seriously fun.  Knead the beaten ball for a few minutes, and then divide in half.  Smash the dough down into two well oiled 9x5 inch loaf pans.  Let the dough rise for about 45 minutes, or until the dough has risen 1 inch above pans.  This gives you time to change your facebook status update to "Guess who has two thumbs and is making their own bread - this guy!"
  6. Bake this sucker at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.  There is nothing better than fresh baked bread.
Real picture from last night's breadstravaganza:



*little known vegan fact - white sugar is not always vegan, they use animals bones to bleach out the sugar to its white consistency - check to make sure!

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