Better Than Blair Split Pea Soup

Sorry, it's just when I personally hear the words "pea soup", I cannot get this image out of my mind.  So now when you are cooking (and eating) this delicious vegan soup, you will not get this picture out of YOUR mind.

Now....on to the recipe!

This soup was made completely from scratch.  I am just going to guess on the amounts, because I eyeballed everything.  Oh yeah, and it is completely VEGAN!

Those carrots are supposed to be
artistic, they look a little disturbing.
Sorry.

Better Than Blair Split Pea Soup

Ingredients:

• One 1 lb. bag of dried yellow split peas (yellow so the soup won't look so much like the picture above)
• 4 carrots
• 4 celery stalks
• 8 cloves of garlic (more or less depending on the amount of vampires in your house)
• 1 large onion
• 2-4 bouillon cubes of vegan chicken broth
• a few Tbls. of KAL nutritional yeast
• salt and pepper
• crushed red pepper flakes
• thyme
• olive oil
• 11 cups of water
• 3 bay leaves

Directions:

• First, chop up all your veggies (the carrots, celery and onion).  Mince your garlic.  Throw some olive oil in a large pot and smother it with all your chopped veggie goodness.  Sauté the veggies until they get soft.  Add your crushed red pepper flakes here.  They are super spicy so be warned, I add a ton but I like to feel the burn.
• Dump in your water, peas, bouillon cubes, nutritional yeast, and bay leaves.  I put the yeast in there for flavor and for the nutrients (yet again, another win-win).
• Bring this concoction to a rolling boil.  Once you get it boiling, bring it down to a gentle simmer and add some thyme (just a few pinches should do the trick).  Add two or three bay leaves while you are at it.
• Stir occasionally.  Go back to your living room and watch some Project Runway.  But don't forget to check on the soup every now and again!
• Okay, now it should be okay to taste.  Make sure you TASTE THE SOUP BEFORE YOU SEASON IT!  If you dump a bunch of salt n pepa on your soup before the old taste test you could end up being very bummed out.  Taste it, add some spice and be done with it.
• Heidi has just announced "and that means [contestant name] you are out.  Auf Wiedersehen".  So it must have been about an hour or so.  If the peas are soft, then it is time to take the soup off the stove.
• If you have a hand blender, you can use it now to get your soup to cream up.  Otherwise, you can eat it all chunky like or you can put it bit by bit into your blender.  It's up to you (and whatever resources you have).
• Voila!  You have soup!  Toast some bread, throw some Tofutti sour cream on the top and enjoy!

Serves 4-6

Prep time: 1.5 hours

Your base ingredients: "chicken soup" and yellow split peas

Saute, flambe, and sashay!

What happens when you slice onions.
No pain, no gain.

Ribalicious Ribs

Are you craving ribs?  I have been.  REEEEEBS!  I love em so hard.  One of my last meals as a carnie was ribs.  So I had to find a way to re-create these delicious things in a 100% cruelty free way.  Here you go!

Jackie O's Ribalicious Ribs 
(sorry kids, this is a picture of the leftovers.
we ate 'em too damn fast!)

Jackie O's Ribalicious Ribs

Ingredients:

• 4 cups vital wheat gluten
• 2 cups of water
• 2 cups of VEGAN beef broth
• 4 Tblsp. KAL nutritional yeast
• 3-4 Tblsp. of raw tahini (or if you wanna go ghetto you can use peanut butter)
• black pepper (if you can find smokehouse smoked pepper you will be super duper stoked)
• some unbleached flour for dusting
• vegan BBQ sauce of your choosing (check the ingredients people, you never know what kind of yucky stuff is in it)

Directions:

• Preheat your oven to 375 degrees
• Mix the gluten and yeast together in a big bowl (add a few sprinkles of pepper if you choose, whateves).  If you have never used KAL nutritional yeast before, it adds a nutty, cheesy flavor as well as gives you buttloads of nutrition.  It's a win-win situation!
• Make the broth according to package direction - make sure it is cool when you are ready to use it or else you will burn the crap out of your hands...it happened to me.
• Add the water and vegan beef broth together.  Make a hole in the middle of the gluten and yeast and pour the water/broth into the hole all at once!
• Mix it fast or else it will get all sticky and crazy (make sure you incorporate all of the water into the gluten).
• Dust a flat surface with flour, dust your hands and lightly dust the gluten lump.  
• Knead that lump until it is rubbery and smooth.  If you need to, add more flour to your hands and the lump.
• Flatten the gluten out with your fingertips until it is about 1/2 inch thick all around.
• Melt the tahini (or peanut butter) in the microwave or the stove until it is smooth and easy to spread (should be slightly warm, not boiling - don't hurt your fingers yo!)
• Using your fingers, poke and spread the melted tahini into the surface of the gluten.  It won't knead into the gluten, but it will sit on the surface.
• Sprinkle black pepper onto the gluten/tahini surface - this is where the smokey pepper comes in super handy if you like that smokehouse taste
• Turn over the gluten and repeat.
• Slice the gluten into strips (thick strips for chewy ribs, thin strips for crispy ribs - your choice)
• Put the strips on a lightly oiled cookie sheet and bake for 10 minutes each side (or until the underside looks golden) - they should puff up at first and then flatten as they are browning up.  You want them to be crispy, so test them out.  If not crispy enough, throw those bad boys in for a few more minutes.
• You can add sauce as they are browning up, or add it at the end.  I like a ton of sauce, so I add it at the beginning and at the end.  Bring on the sauce!

This feeds about 4-6 people with some leftovers for sandwiches the next day!

Prep time:  1 hour-ish